Sunday, May 15, 2011

155 of 365: Self-Censorship

Yes I missed my post yesterday.  I went on a spontaneous road trip and was out of the town overnight.  I've also had a sudden burst of creativity and have been writing a lot.  Like so much that at times when I could be logging into SL, I choose to sit down and write instead.  Which is great isn't it?


It is, however, I am finding that I am being challenged by my strict internal censor.  


I have a lot to say about stuff.  Important stuff.  Stuff that I think deserves an audience.  My struggle is, is this blog the right place for it?  This also brings up my issues of letting my voice be heard, standing firm in my words, and finding courage. 


I know this is all very cryptic, but it's what is on my mind at the moment.  


This afternoon, I was preparing some stuff for work this week.  I facilitate a 10 week program at my work called the Women's Empowerment Circle.  I love doing the group even though it means that for 10 weeks, twice a year, I inevitably fall behind in all my other work to maintain the group.  It's worth it though, not only because I meet the most amazing women who are working hard to improve their lives, but also because I always learn something new for myself.  


Anyways, as I was preparing for this group, it occurred to me how ironic it is that I am facilitating an empowerment group for women, when my own personal empowerment sometimes feels like a struggle, or something I have to fight for.  If you can't do, you teach?


There is no one standing in the way of my personal empowerment but myself.  It is only my insecurities and doubts that prevent me from truly expressing my voice. 


I have all this writing sitting on my laptop just begging for an audience.  I think my challenge now is to find the right place for it.  In the past, this is the point where everything I have written sits on my bookshelf and collects dust.  


Not this time.  I've been around that block too many times before to let myself get away with it again.  



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